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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?